I crack myself up. The day after I get back on track...I fall right back off. I wonder if this is what quitting smoking is like. :P Anyhoo - here we go. New Year's Resolution...Two posts in one day. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand go.
I haven't been to my Tuesday volunteering gig in a while...a month actually. Knee injuries, work and a vacation got in the way...so yesterday was the first time that me and my knee brace hobbled our way into the office.
I don't wear the knee brace for sympathy...I wear it out of necessity. I don't limp for attention...I do it because, even with the brace, I can't walk any other way. And I don't go chit chatting everyone's ear off about my surgery (unless asked), because (to be honest) I'm terrified about this whole ordeal, am losing sleep over it, and eating my feelings. Not over dramatic...just real, pure feelings. Don't judge.
I wasn't in the building for more than five minutes, before the questions started flying. What's wrong with your leg? Why are you limping? Are you OK? What's the matter?
Half the time, when people ask those questions, they don't wait around long enough to hear the answer. It's like the ever-famous "How are you?" How often do you listen to how they respond? How often do you truly care what they have to say? I hate that question. So automatic. So formulaic. I purposely try not to answer in a predictable way just to leave people on their toes. Anyhoo -- I pretty much figured my leg would be the same way. Not just here, but everywhere...and not because people don't care...but because there are more important issues at hand. My leg is important to me, but that's because it has to be. It's my leg. (Ha!) I don't really expect my fears over my impending leg amputation to top anyone else's list of imporant conversational topics.
When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. And I was wrong. But the most interesting thing, and perhaps the most unexpected, was just who proved me wrong.
It was a consumer.
I'm not sure that she knew what a meniscus was, or a tendon, or really had any idea what it means to have arthoscopic surgery...but that didn't matter. She knew enough to worry about what she did understand. Her friend, Sarah was hurting. Her friend wasn't OK, and her friend needs surgery to be better.
She threw her hands to her face in a somewhat dramatic fashion...while saying "Oh, no!" And shaking her head. She started getting upset, and I told her she didn't have any reason to worry, that I'd be fine (which is kind of ironic, when you consider just how scared I am about this whole procedure)...and then she looked me in the eyes and said, "You're right, buddy. I won't worry. (pause) But I will pray." I smiled...but she didn't stop there. She reached for my hand, and started again, "I will pray for you. Tonight when I go home, and this Sunday at 10 o'clock mass. I will pray for you, and tell my friends to pray for you too... and I will light a candle for you, and say the rosary for you too."
Wow. I didn't even know where to start. It wasn't one of those empty promises out of obligation that acquaintances toss out. None of that, "call me if you need me" stuff...or "let me know how I can help." This was genuine, and straight from the heart. She may not know at all what I'm going through, or what I'm about to go through, but she didn't need to. She knew that I wasn't OK. She picked up on that, and wanted to show me how much she cared. My mind was just reeling. I was so touched...I didn't know what to say. Bridging the silence, she stepped forward and gave me a hug, and then, with a detectable degree of concern, asked, "Is that OK?"
To which I said, "Yes. That's perfectly OK. I'd like it very much if you did that for me."
Truth of the matter is...I don't deserve her prayers. There are so many people who have it so much worse than I do at this very moment. Hundreds of thousands of people who are suffering terribly in Japan right now, children in Africa who are starving, children in our own country who are starving, or homeless, or sick or abused. Animals that are mistreated. People who are suffering from cancer. There are a million more people who could (and should) easily be at the top of your prayer list. Not me. I don't deserve that spot. Not in the slightest.
But don't think for one minute that I'm not gracious for the opportunity to top that list...for one person...if only for one day.
Because, I was...and am just that.
Eternally thankful.
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